[We are] not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. (Romans 1:16)

Friday, May 30, 2008

Seekadoo: Calvinist Dictionary

Seekadoo: Calvinist Dictionary

This was funny!


  • I especailly LOLed at this one: "Doctrines of Grace: Term that helps illustrate how God has given us Calvinists superior insight. Usage example: "I was an Arminian before being illuminated by the Doctrines of Grace.""

    all in fun!

    By Blogger Rose~, at Friday, May 30, 2008 10:28:00 AM  

  • Hi Rose,

    Just curious, how did you find this "spoof" website? I ask because a link to this site was published early this morning at another blog I visit, and then I see it here as well. Perhaps it's just a coincidence, but now I'm curious. :-)

    By Blogger Rachel, at Friday, May 30, 2008 10:56:00 AM  

  • Well, I actually saw the counterpart of this spoof ("Arminian Dictionary") on the bluecollar blog... and when I went to it, I found, via looking at the comments, this one, which I enjoyed much more than the one Mark enjoyed, God bless his heart. :~)

    Is the link on the bluecollar blog the one that you saw, Rachel?

    By Blogger Rose~, at Friday, May 30, 2008 11:07:00 AM  

  • Rose,

    No, that is not the blog I saw it on. The blog that I saw it on is an atheist blog, actually. Perhaps those two blogs have mutual visitors. :-)

    By Blogger Rachel, at Friday, May 30, 2008 12:20:00 PM  

  • :0

    I love this kind of humour.

    I remember seeing a similar glossary idea where a sacrament was defined (by an OTT Evangelical) as "an attempt by the RC Church to seduce us all back into her fold"

    Sometimes I wish I had the time to sit and do some of these myself. Like a FG one. (Wicked grin)


    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Friday, May 30, 2008 12:48:00 PM  

  • Here's a start on the FG dictionary:

    Gospel of Matthew: Summed up in the words; “I agree with Antonio”

    God’s Free Will: Never thought of that!

    Old Time Non Calvinist: Some one whose theology was formulated before 1980

    FGer who sees the light and goes over to Calvinism: Breath taking apostate of the highest order, but still saved anyway. Probably only get a run down, rat infested shack in Gloryland.

    I jest



    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Friday, May 30, 2008 1:12:00 PM  

  • Colin, believe it or not, I do occasionally think for myself.

    Not too often though. Its a lot easier being in a cult.

    By Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist, at Friday, May 30, 2008 2:19:00 PM  

  • Colin,

    Some of that is in fact very funny!

    But some of it is merely based upon misunderstanding and mis-characterization.

    Comedy MUST have an element of truth. So the first one is good, the next three, well, not funny!

    Thanks for making me laugh though!


    By Blogger Antonio, at Friday, May 30, 2008 2:51:00 PM  

  • I just wrote this in someone's blog thread that may get deleted because it just makes too much sense:

    So and so:

    I see that you are reading "Ashamed of the Gospel" by John MacArthur. Don't you know that Lou Martuneac thinks he is a heretic too?

    Just to correct you. Bob Wilkin preaches the biblical gospel which includes the deity, death, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, along with a plethora of other pertinent gospel facts, such as sanctification issues, the kingdom of God, and other gospel considerations. But when it comes to tell the lost what they must do to have eternal life, he mimics our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ:

    "Most assuredly I say to you, whoever believes in Me has everlasting life."

    When it comes to having eternal life, Bob Wilkin states that all one must do is rest his or her entire reliance upon Jesus Christ as his certain hope of eternal life. In other words, one must entrust one's eternal destiny into the hands of Jesus Christ. That is all: faith alone in Christ alone.

    So get it straight, please:

    1) Lou Martuneac will tell you he is not on the side at all of John MacArthur when it comes to soteriology issues. I guess, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend, even when in reality, he is my enemy"
    2) There is a difference between the gospel (which is by definition the entire good news about Jesus Christ) and the invitation for lost man to receive eternal life.

    With fear before the throne of God,

    Antonio da Rosa

    By Blogger Antonio, at Friday, May 30, 2008 2:52:00 PM  

  • Rose, that was really funny! I have heard most of those lines myself as well.


    If you could put together a truthful FG dictionary I would love to read it. You know it's kind of like joking about the ideosyncracies in a family.

    God bless,

    By Blogger Jim, at Friday, May 30, 2008 3:42:00 PM  

  • Jim,

    Technically speaking, I am not family at all. I believe in "Free Grace" but the pre 1980's variety :o) [hence the reference above]

    Hey...it's good to laugh, isn't it?

    Here's another contribution:

    Expositary preaching through Romans: Cause of a worried frown and the lament: "I'm concerned about our pastor."


    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Saturday, May 31, 2008 1:21:00 AM  

  • Colin, if you want to know about FG interpretation of Romans, you should read Rene Lopez's commentary.

    By Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist, at Saturday, May 31, 2008 1:57:00 AM  

  • Moving in Free Grace circles:

    Going round and round and round

    Ultimate assurance: Being asked the join the UoG team and getting your name on the "Who" list on the top left hand corner (The "Who's Who" of Bible truth)

    Quoting John Calvin favourably even if you are not a Calvinist Living dangerously on the very precipice of temptation.


    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Saturday, May 31, 2008 4:28:00 AM  

  • Colin, I'm sorry I guess I assumed your were a believer as well? Is there not one family of God? One body but many members?

    Is not the carnality Paul referred to in Corinthians the divisive nature of following a man or man's teaching rather than the Lord?

    BTW, Romans is one of my favorite NT books.

    God bless,

    By Blogger Jim, at Saturday, May 31, 2008 10:16:00 AM  

  • Hi Jim,

    I agree with you. I thought that you were referring to the "FG family" (seeing we were discussing the FG Dictionary of terms) I see now that you had the wider picture in view.

    Another way of looking at the carnality of being identified with a man is that it is surely carnal to call those who disagree with you after a man's name - not saying, of course, that you are guilty of that. I take the name "Calvinist" simply because it is a label that has been around for a while and it saves me a paragraph when I come to discuss my school of thought.

    My reference to Romans was, of course, in the context of a spoof dictionary.


    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Saturday, May 31, 2008 10:34:00 AM  

  • Colin, I trust you would accept me into your fellowship even though I cannot (at least yet) in good faith fully agree with Calvinist theology as I have seen it stated.

    By Blogger Jim, at Saturday, May 31, 2008 1:46:00 PM  

  • Jim,

    Generally in Presbyterian Churches, the minister and elders are required to sign the WCF which only a Calvinist could honestly do. The membership are not required to do this, which would leave the door open for non Calvinists to join. (A profession of faith in Christ being essential)

    I fellowship with Christians from several schools of thought outside my own. Quite happy to embrace any who own Him as their Lord and Saviour.


    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Saturday, May 31, 2008 1:55:00 PM  

  • Colin,

    That is fair enough.

    By Blogger Jim, at Saturday, May 31, 2008 7:08:00 PM  

  • Hi Rose,

    I laughed pretty hard at the definitions.....and not so much that the definitions were funny....which they were....but that I have had many of those same thoughts (almost word for word) as I have grappled with understanding Calvinism (which I still do not understand) :)

    Here are my favorites:

    Easy believism: The false idea that you can believe in Jesus Christ and be saved. Can a rotten corpse believe? Nope, neither can you.

    Jesus Loves Me, This I Know: Misleading children's song.

    Contradiction: a mystery

    Some of those on the list have been stated as fact in our Sunday School class. Another reason for my laughter at how close these definitions are to what I hear preached by the Calvinists I know.

    Say Hi to John.


    By Blogger Kurt, at Monday, June 02, 2008 12:19:00 PM  

  • Hi Rose

    Good humor!

    My favorites:

    Frankenstein: Cool story about a dead monster that got zapped with lightning and then became alive. Great parallel to the way we are regenerated.

    Regeneration: See "Frankenstein".

    Call (effectual): to be irresistibly dragged

    Call (general): God's justification to condemn the reprobate.

    Contradiction: a mystery


    Before Frankenstein was zapped he had a free will it was just dead.

    For more insight just see "mystery."

    Or meditate on:

    Made willing = free will

    If this doesn't make any sense, neither does Calvinism.

    By Blogger alvin, at Monday, June 02, 2008 5:42:00 PM  

  • Thanks for the link. :)

    By Blogger Pizza Man, at Monday, June 02, 2008 10:52:00 PM  

  • Goodnight,
    I am glad you enjoyed it.

    I apreciated your including goodnight in the family. That exchange made me chuckle. teehee

    Hi KURT!
    I told John Hi. I loved your comment and I also enjoyed the ones that you enjoyed. Here's another one of my avorites:

    Pelagian: Name to call Arminians, extra points if they don't know what it means.

    DM called me semi-pelgian when I first talked to him about this - and yes, I could tell he was impressed that I didn't know what it meant. :~) teehee

    Thanks Alvin! The Farnkenstein may be my favorite! I can't decide. I never heard of regeneration preceding faith until studying Calvinism. It is so foreign to the plain reading of the Bible which is all I had done.

    Pizza man,
    NO! Thank you for the belly laugh! I think I want to start working on a second volume to your dictionary. I am inspired.

    By Blogger Rose~, at Tuesday, June 03, 2008 7:33:00 AM  

  • Another one:

    CONCORDANCE Agreement among Fger's



    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Tuesday, June 03, 2008 8:04:00 AM  

  • Clin,
    Now that was a funny one!! Thanks for the chuckle. :~)

    By Blogger Rose~, at Tuesday, June 03, 2008 9:34:00 AM  

  • I mean "Colin" - typed too fast, sorry. :~)

    By Blogger Rose~, at Tuesday, June 03, 2008 9:34:00 AM  

  • Hi Rose,

    For the rest of us who have no idea what pelagianism means thereby racking up points for all Calvinists everywhere, here is the definition.


    By the way, what are the "points" redeemable for in Calvinism circles? :) Do points collected offset the amount of "perseverance" required? :)

    By Blogger Kurt, at Tuesday, June 03, 2008 11:47:00 AM  


    Agreement among Fgers over what actually constitutes the gospel

    Sharp intake of breath


    Compiled after 1980 and subject to (cough)refinement


    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Wednesday, June 04, 2008 7:14:00 AM  

  • Matthew, Mark, and Luke's Gospel:

    Warm up for the real thing in John

    Repent or likewise perish (Luke 13:3)

    Change your mind about the joys of having a load of bricks falling on you or being butchered by a mad Civil Servant in an army uniform.


    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Wednesday, June 04, 2008 11:54:00 AM  

  • I know this FG Dictionary idea is so last week but …

    So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy. (Romans 9:16)
    Who hath first given to Him, and it shall be recompensed again? (Romans 11:33):

    Obvious examples of Paul playing Devil’s Advocate


    By Blogger GOODNIGHTSAFEHOME, at Friday, June 06, 2008 5:44:00 AM  

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